brianhelgerson

Excerpt from “My Fantastic Life” by President Donald J. Trump: An Autobiography written by the 45th President of the United Staits, Donald J. Trump

Everyone cheered when I came out on the balcony and waved. It was the biggest gathering on the south lawn since my fantastic inauguration, which was huge and had more people at it than any other inauguration in the history of the united shtaitches. Even Barack Obama didn’t get more people than that, ever. ItContinue reading “Excerpt from “My Fantastic Life” by President Donald J. Trump: An Autobiography written by the 45th President of the United Staits, Donald J. Trump”

For Want of a Cat (Part 2)

“When you leave here tonight,” she continued, “If you don’t stop at the shelter on the way, you’ll go home to a cold house. Gladys will avoid any contact with you, your children will ignore you, and you will sleep alone in your den again.” The emotionlessly clinical way she said it, as if sheContinue reading “For Want of a Cat (Part 2)”

For Want of a Cat (Part 1)

Professor Gloupe trudged wearily into his office and let the door slam behind him, rattling the window dangerously. He didn’t care if it shattered or not. If it did, it was only following the pattern his life was taking, anyway. His feet scuffed the well-worn rug as he crossed to his desk and dropped intoContinue reading “For Want of a Cat (Part 1)”

Apocalypse Now

Has anyone else noticed how closely the Trump reign of terror resembled the Biblical account of the Tribulation? Yeah, I know, there’s a lot of crackpots out there that have compared real Presidential administrations to the Biblical account of the End Days, but none of them ever offered any legitimate proof. Now, as compelling asContinue reading “Apocalypse Now”

You’re Invited to Tales of a Tired Dad

Hey, join me at “Tales of a Tired Dad” on the Spaces by Wix app to easily stay updated and more on the go. Join with this link: http://wix.to/k8BqBp8?ref=so. Got the app? Use the invite code: HFGGIV

Dear Larry,

I’m a little bothered. You know how I’ve always wanted to be a rich and famous author, like Rowling and Seuss? Well, I’m kind of afraid of doing that now, and I’ll tell you why. I’m afraid someone is going to take me too seriously. Yeah, that’s right: too seriously. You know, like that HubbardContinue reading “Dear Larry,”

Dear Sandwich with a Pretty Big Pickle In It Corp

If you hadn’t done it, I would have. You know what I mean. I am not giving you money, I decided. And that’s it. The End.

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right. You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click theContinue reading “Introduce Yourself (Example Post)”

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

Dear Larry,

I didn’t think I’d ever write to you at all, to be honest, but things have come up lately that I have to get off my chest. I hope you don’t mind being my sounding board for a while. Well, those pesky Elves are back. You know, the Elf on a Shelf (TM.) sort? Yeah,Continue reading “Dear Larry,”